God might not want me to blog

I was all pumped up and ready to go when I made my last post.  I told myself "I'm going to post every day like I used to!  I still have so much to talk about!  I have so many stories saved up!"  But one fateful day soon after I made my comeback post, I fell ill. 

So I've been laying around, listening to Sarah's Key on audiobook...which it turns out is very, very depressing so far.  And then I told myself that of course it's going to be depressing, it's about the Holocaust.  But then I found myself angry with the author:  it's not a true story, so why be so brutal?  Why can't anything actually go right in this story?  Will there be some sort of happy ending?  I like happy endings.  And then I told myself to shut up because most real life Holocaust victims didn't have happy endings.

When I'm not listening to the book, I'm ordering from a pizza place just so that I can get milk delivered since I am too sick to pack everybody into the car and go get it myself.  "I have a really weird question for you," I said to the thick-accented Italian man on the other end of the phone, "would it be possible for you to send me, like, just a gigantic cup of milk?"  Of course I asked this after I ordered some actual food.  For a reason I still don't understand, he handed off the phone to an equally accented woman who asked if I would mind if the driver picked up a gallon from CVS Pharmacy.  I said of course not and that I would be eternally grateful.

The delivery man showed up here about 20 minutes later and handed me my sandwich and "mac n cheese bites".  I said "where my mo'fo milk, man?"  and he said "I don't know dawg, they wrote milk here on the receipt but never told me to pick any up, but I can go get some if you want, homez" and I said "Fo real man, I'd 'preciate it."

So he came back another 10 minutes later with my milk and I gave him a $10 tip for his time.  Though $4 of it was to cover the milk. 

I have MUCH to talk about!

I've been gone a long time, I know, I'm sorry.  But I promise, I'm going to be around for awhile from now on. Here's a tl;dr rundown of what I've been up to:

June - July: my husband and I were house hunting.  We looked at...I don't know, maybe about 15 houses in all.  We put offers in on 3 total.

The first, well it was a major fixer-upper.  It was a ranch-style house that clearly hadn't been updated since the 70's.  But it had a nice, spacious, fenced-in backyard and was right on a quiet cul-de-sac in a great neighborhood.  We offered at asking price, but the lady just didn't seem to be ready to let go of it...it was her mother's house, who had just passed on.  

The second house was also nice, although it was pretty small.  We loved that it had a fireplace in the livingroom and a finished basement.  The downside was that it had endured a little bit of flood damage with the Great Rhode Island Floods of '10, but honestly we were sick of looking and said the house was good enough for us.  Our offer was outbid by somebody else.

We were ready to give up hope.  We were really crunched for time, and wanted to have a house before my husband left (explanation below).  But we pushed on and decided to go for one more round of walk-throughs.  The moment I walked into the house, I fell in love with it.  It smelled new, with fresh paint and new wood flooring...but the house is over a hundred years old.  It's got beautiful original woodwork throughout.  It's pretty big, at almost 2000 sq ft.   After our first tour around, we came back into the mudroom and I told my husband "you do whatever you can to get me this house.  I HAVE to have this house!"

It had only been on the market for 4 days, and we were offering less than the asking price, so it would take a miracle to get it.  I prayed and prayed all day.  I felt nauseous I was so nervous.  The sellers accepted our offer that night.

So, my dream house also became our first house.  No starter home necessary.  Unfortunately, closing took a bit longer than expected so I moved in by myself...since my husband had gone by then.  We were living in hotels for 3 weeks, as our lease was up at the townhome we were renting.  It seems like that might be a luxurious way to live...but with three kids and a cat in one room with two beds, it wasn't.  I finally signed the paperwork and got my keys on September 16th.  I spent the first few nights on an AeroBed set up in the dining room.

September 5th - My husband got shipped off to Afghanistan.  You see, when he first got out of the military almost two years ago, he was briefly unemployed before getting hired by the police department.  During that time, he had joined the Air Force Reserves for the extra $400 a month, he was told he could get out before his contract was up.  Well, recruiters lie.  Big surprise.  So long story short, about 12 people in his unit became active and now he's over there until the spring of '11.


That's him on the far left.   It was really hard at first.  The kids cried every day.  I cried every day.  We worried about him.  I still cry sometimes.  Sometimes, it still feels like more than I can bear.  But I find it a blessing that I had this new house to buy things for, the holidays, and the kids to shop for...I signed the kids up for an asinine amount of activities to keep us all busy (scouts, sports, etc), and I've been going to the gym regularly to keep my spirits up.  I live 10 minutes away from my mother-in-law, so she watches the kids a few times a week so I can run errands and just have some time to myself.  Which really helps.  I can't wait for him to come home.

 This was taken the day he left at a USO family send-off

I'm glad to be back to my blog.  I always found blogging therapeutic.  I think I'll stick around.

LOST finale...

6ybb vbhn rt5yfr b hy u7frrrlo



















(head banging keyboard).

Jesus Bunny Thumb Print

As you can see, I have been lacking time (and blogable material) lately.  Last night, mom encouraged me to post a new entry concerning an awkward family moment...which I will be doing  hopefully later tonight.  But for now, I bring you this:

8th Grader Finds Jesus on Thumb While Doing Science Project?

Here is the image from the article:

But to me, it's obviously The Easter Bunny:

But I suppose it's just as well, since both Jesus and the Easter Bunny have a lot to do with Easter, right???

FYI!

I just ordered my first food dehydrator.  Watch out world, I'm about to start drying shit to eat. 

BP Beauty Queen

It seems as though the days when I make absolutely no effort to make myself presentable are the times that I get noticed more often by the opposite gender.  Today I went to the gas station to run in quickly and buy milk and some snacky-snacks to surprise the the hubs with for him to enjoy during his shift tonight.

My hair was unfixed, still up in the bun I had put it up in last night before I went to bed, complete with fly-aways and messy bangs.  No make-up, my house/crafting jeans that have Mod Podge stains all over them (and I have to wear a long shirt with them because the zipper never stays put...but I can't part with them because they are so comfy, my absolute faves).  And a black v-neck sweater that could seriouly use a meeting with one of those little sweater fuzz vacuums.

So I'm standing at the counter paying for my shiz and this handsome black guy walks up behind me and says "Excuse me princess, you've got some lint stuck to your sweater" and then he reaches over and pulls off...a little shard of toilet paper that was stuck to my back.  I guess it's better than TP stuck to your ass or shoe.  I thanked him and turned to go, and as I walked out he says "you have a great day, beautiful."  Then a group of guys were standing around outside and said "damn, how about her?"  Which, I assumed they meant in a complimentary way, but I can't be absolutely sure.  Maybe they were saying "Damn.  What about her?" as they were in the middle of discussing the most homely looking women they've seen today.

I've talked about this with my mom and my best friend in the past.  We can't figure out if it really is that we do, in fact, get checked out more often when we're not all done up...or if it's just that we are much more aware of it because we're feeling self-concious about our appearance at the time. 

So guys:  do you prefer a woman without makeup?  Or is it just you don't like a lot of makeup?  Or is a woman just more approachable when she looks a little frazzled and "I don't give a crap today"? Is the "girl next door" look (in my case, quasi-homeless girl next door) sexier than the "night out" look?

Thinking of these things brings so many unanswered questions...and I think I have a pretty good understanding of men.  Is our preception of what we (as women) believe men find attractive scewed by what we see in magazines, through celebrities, etc etc?  Personally, I'm just really confused by the fact that I get more attention when I'm definitely not feeling sexy than when I've made the effort to look smokin'.  'Splain dis to me, Willis.

Orlistat = Butt Grease = Skinny!

A few years back, I stopped eating chips that were made with Olestra, because I discovered that they make your bowel movements greasy.  I never experienced it personally, because I never had the notion to eat an entire bag of chips in one sitting, but I had read an excellent (and hilarious) experiment about it by a Zug contributer named John Hargrave.

Recently I've been more careful about what I eat, not dieting, just not going to Taco Bell and eating five 5 layer burritos every day.  I thought I was getting away with all of the burritos for awhile.  "HA!"  I yelled while shaking my fist at a pile of empty burrito wrappers, "you got nothin on this!"  Then I gave my booty a smack.

The burritos finally caught up with me.

So lately I've been trying to do some last-minute damage control so that I can actually wear my bikini without shame to the beach this summer. 

Anyway, I find it ironic that I once tried to avoid excess fat being expelled from my body in a way that is too graphic to discuss in such a public forum.  And now I take these pills called Alli that do just that.  And let me tell you, it's amazing, people.  The drugs prevent your body from absorbing all of the fat that you eat.  While I haven't been eating anything extremely fattening anyway, you're supposed to take one anytime you eat anything that has fat in it.  Grilled chicken?  Little blue pill on the side.  Whole grain spagetti with lean turkey burger meatballs?  Little blue pill please.   Yep, there are now two "little blue pills" that I am aware of.  Though I only have use for one of them.

I've already shed some of that excess pudge after a week of avoiding Taco Bell, and cheese in general.  I really have a problem with cheese.  Most people have food vices that involve junk foods:  chips, cake, ice cream, candy...I've never been somebody who has to cram plain crap down my neck, I never really had taste buds for those foods anyway unless it's that special time of the month.  But if I could throw a few cups of cheese on everything without consequence, I would be one happy lady.

Technically I guess I shouldn't really be using these pills, seeing as the indications instruct their usage is only for overweight people...which I am not.  But after reading reviews it appears as though plenty of non-overweight people take them, and hey, sometimes you must follow the flock of bikini-ready bodies.  

Never have I touched diet pills before.  To be honest, I'm afraid of most of them.  I don't even like the jittery feeling drinking too much coffee can give you...I can't imagine taking something that strains your heart like that and gives you the shakes and sends your heart racing.  But this Alli, I can fully stand behind.  It's gross, interesting, and effective all at once.

Romeo & Juliet: First Grade Edition

My 7 year old daughter burst into the door yesterday announcing: "Mom!  I've found the boy that I am going to marry!" 

When I was little, I remember always being "boy crazy".  I never thought boys had cooties, I always had crushes, I have had boyfriends since the third grade.  But I don't ever recall planning my wedding out in intricate detail and picking husbands as my daughter does.

My daughter's new beau is a little black boy named Day-twan (sorry, I don't know how to spell it, and I WOULD say African American boy, but I have been informed that is not PC, because darker skinned people come from several countries.)  In fact, I wouldn't even point out his race if it weren't relevant to the story.  Read on.

So some little girls my daughter play with outside (who also happen to be black) brought their cousin over yesterday, and that was it for Teagan.  She was in love at first sight, and the two of them promised eachother to marry when they were grown up.  The only problems were their cousins, and my 4 year old son.  For whatever reason, Johnny (my son) didn't approve of the situation, and shrieked repeatedly "NO!  YOU CANNOT MARRY HIM UNTIL YOU GROW UP!  Stop talking about it!"  As for Dayton's cousins, they disagreed with the arrangement considerably as well. 

"She's a white girl.  You can't marry her!"  and "What would your mama say if you married her?"

These outbursts literally brought my daughter to tears when her object of affection finally gave in to the peer pressure and it was decided that it would be best if they didn't marry.  But apparently, he whispered in her ear that he would be back to visit her next Sunday, secretly.  Forbidden love.  Sometimes, there is nothing so toxic yet so sweet simultaneously. 

---

Social commentary:  It's sad that racism starts so young.  Racism does not exist solely as white people discriminating against other races.  I experienced this personally when I attended high school in Albuquerque, New Mexico as, believe it or not, a minority (being a white person amongst mostly Hispanics).  I experienced racism against myself many times.  And the fact that the tendancies are being ingrained by parents into their children so early on...with 7 year olds...well, it really pisses me off.

Dumb things I've Learnt About Life Through Myself or Vicariously Through Other People, Part 1

On Alcohol

- It is hardly ever a good idea to have your cell phone on you when you are intoxicated.  Either you'll lose it, break it, or even worse, you'll call or text people ridiculous things that you will curse yourself for later.

- Do not mix hard liquor and wine in the same night.

- If you can hardly stand straight, then do not stand.  You might fall through a glass coffee table and lacerate your butt.

- Don't drive after drinking.  Period.

- Don't play pool for money against intoxicated people who also happen to be insane.  They might try to slit your throat with a hunting knife in the parking lot after they lose.

- If you are at a small bar in a small predominately Caucasian town in Wisconsin that decides to host a regional rap-off, there will probably be a huge mob bar fight against the races that involves stools and mugs being hurled through the air.

- Do not ride in taxi cabs with insane drivers.  Last weekend, a friend and I had two psycho drivers in one night after bar close.  The first became irate after we told him he brought us to the completely wrong address, in an entirely different neighborhood and began swerving around residential streets and corners at 50MPH.  We yelled at him to pull over and let us out in some random, unknown part of town.  We found another cab.  The second instigated a screaming match between himself and myself when I pointed out that he was completely ignoring me when I was trying to chat him up.  My friend and I were also propositioned to go on a private yacht and snort coke that night by some random guys on the sidewalk.  It was an interesting night.


On Relationships

- Men: let women be women.  Understand we're going to be dumb and emotional sometimes.  Women: let men be men.  Allow them to watch their sports, drink their beer, hang out with their (sometimes idiot) guy friends freely and without nagging or pouting on your part.  So long as you're still the first priority most of the time, it shouldn't be a problem.

- Do not ever make your entire life about one person.  All relationships will eventually run into major problems and a few bad things could happen because of your mistake:  you've alienated your friends when you've chosen to put one person far above all others, which leads to resentment among everybody else who cares about you.  Plus, it's really f'n annoying to everybody else when all you can talk about is your special person.  True fact.  And also, if the time comes to split up, your life is left in shambles when that person leaves you.

- Do not, under any circumstances, have a long term affair with somebody who is married and living with their spouse.  It never turns out well.  (For the record, it's not me who did this.  I know of others who have and the ending is never happy for anybody involved.)


On Children

- They will destroy everything.  It's best to not consider new furniture until they are all at least school-aged.  If you have an expensive LCD TV, do not connect the Wii to it, and do not allow any play around it (especially involving baseball bats).  Expect extensive damage to walls if you have young children.  Designate a single area for toys, and do not allow them elsewhere in the house, or you will find it nearly impossible to keep clean.

- Only invest in toys that have extensive re-play value.  Most of the toys sold in stores will only be played with once, and then forgotten forever.  The best and only toys that my kids have never grown bored of are: blocks, bikes, and video game consoles...because when a game gets boring, you can just buy a new one.

- If you leave a spray bottle of cleaner unattended for 30 seconds, a child will find it and squirt themselves in the face.  I keep all of my chemicals far up and away from the kids' reach.  But this has happened several times with my back turned while cleaning, resulting in an unpleasant experience by both parent and child...with the child's head shoved under cold running sink water to flush the eyes out.  I have since made it a rule to never have cleaner out unless it is physically in my hand at all times.

- Learn to deal with your children's comments and actions with grace.  They will ask strangers why their teeth are yellow.  They might hug and kiss strangers in the supermarket.  They will ask strangers and family alike why they are so fat. 



Other

- Don't put your nose up to a bottle of hair dye and inhale deeply.  It may smell like flowers from a distance but a huge whiff will give you a nasty and painful surprise.

- Wear latex gloves when you're cutting up peppers.  There is nothing worse than doing it with naked hands and then rubbing an eye or any other body part that is sensitive (yep, even those parts), and remembering after it's too late that you have capsaicin under your fingernails.

- If your spouse is a police officer, always ensure that you have disinfectant at home.  They might need to soak their HIV infected handcuffs in it.

Back from the Dead

Over a week ago, my computer charger decided to crap out on me.  And rather than spend another $80 on a new charger as we have twice before over the past year...I decided to spend $15 on eBay for a new one.  But then I had to wait for it.  Until a couple days ago, my only access to the Internet was through my iPod Touch.  It was a sad, tedious existence that I lived during that entire week and I'm glad to be back.

I see that I have lost one follower during my absence.  To those of you who remain, I thank you.  I thank you for never giving up on me and keeping vigil for my return.  Since I know you all must have missed me terribly.  You now have my permission to resume happiness in your lives.

Surprisingly, nothing dreadfully exciting happened while I was away living my partially unconnected life.  But I have an idea for a blog post that I'll be working on (and hopefully publishing) tonight, so check back later!

Love,
Rachel

Editorial Retraction

 In my last post, I referred to my new e-friend as "Awkward".  Said friend has corrected my mistake, and will now go by "Mr. Awkward", or rather, "Mr. Wow".

I Love Hotels, Lost, and Beer.

I drove two hours to Chicopee, Massachusetts yesterday evening to spend a little kid-free time with my husband, who is away for the week for Air Force Reserve drills.  The military puts him up in a Hampton Inn when he's called away, so we spent the night out at dinner, then snuggled and watched Family Guy on the HD TV while playing Jenga and drinking beers for about 3 hours before he passed out.  I layed in bed and started a book my new e-friend "Awkward" recommended to me called City of Thieves (which I am thoroughly enjoying so far). When it was 1:30AM and very much so time to pass out, I ended up heading over to the second queen bed...because my husband is a selfish, evil bed stealer and always makes his way into the very center of the mattress.  I'm somebody who needs a lot of room to myself when I'm trying to sleep.  I love to cuddle when I'm awake, but when I'm trying to sleep I need my own space so GTFO.

The ride home today was pretty uneventful...other than the time when I was coming off one highway to switch to another and to my dismay there was only about 300 feet before the entrance to the next highway, and whoever designed those roads decided that that amount of notice was sufficient to clear 4 lanes of highway to get to the other side and onto the ramp in time.  I cleared 3/4, and was trying to make my move onto the ramp when this deep red SUV took its time and didn't speed up or slow down to let me in, and they went happily on their way onto the next highway while I helplessly continued on the same one until I could get off and turn around.  Before we departed completely though, the strong urge to flip off the other driver consumed me.  But then I realized that it wasn't entirely their fault.  They were, afterall, driving a reasonable speed and it wouldn't be fair of me to expect them to slam on their brakes to let me in ahead of them.  They probably weren't the idiot engineers who designed the road.  So instead, I stared the driver down and shook my fist at him.  He stared back for a moment with his lips slightly parted and his face frozen in shock.

When I was about an hour away from home, I noticed a car parked on the side of the highway with its emergency blinkers on.  Beside it, was a man (or a short haired woman) kneeling before two crosses with huge displays of flowers...the one on the left was a smaller cross, and had a teddy bear placed lovingly beside it.  "Oh, God.  Oh, my God."  I said to myself aloud, "That's so sad."  And then I started crying.  Which is not a great thing to do when you're flying down the highway at 75 miles per hour.  And then I changed the song on my iPod, because I quickly decided that "I Like to F*ck" by Tila Tequila and Hot Rod was grotesquely inappropriate for the situation. 

I arrived back in town and swung by the drive-through liquor store (a blessing from God, I say) for a 6 pack of Miller Light to enjoy during Lost tonight (and also to drown away my lonliness).  The young gentleman at the register was a Tom Green look-a-like that I recognized because on my birthday I had gone in to buy some spirits and he remarked that it was his birthday too, and did I know that October 5th is the most common birthday in the world?  Indeed, I did not.  And when I got home, I Googled it, because my husband said the guy only said that because he was hitting on me.  Well, it turns out that it's a true fact.  It's speculated that Oct. 5th is the most common day for babies to be born, because it's approximately 40 weeks after New Years.  So I suppose we all can guess when and why I came into existence.

The employee looked at my identification and said "Oh my God!...that's my birthday..." "I know," I interrupted, "you were the one who told me our birthday is the most common in the world.  I went home and Googled it, and you're right!"  Then he said how he knows 6 people that share our special day, and I said I knew none.  "Well...now you do." he said as he smiled and handed me my receipt.

Lost and Found

My husband is constantly losing or forgetting things.  And I don't mean that this happens occasionally, it's as if he perpetually suffers from a chronic case of early onset Alzheimer's.  So when I got a phone call from him at 5AM this morning, I wasn't the least bit surprised.  He had forgotten his military ID after he was already 45 minutes into his 2 hour drive to Air Force Reserve drill.  Not only had he forgotten it, but he had no idea where he had put it.  The other day he had taken it out of his wallet to go on the nearby Navy base to use the gym.  Thankfully, I found it almost instantly, on top of the TV in our bedroom.

Since this type of thing typically happens several times per week, I've become so accustomed to searching for things that I normally just crack a joke about how I honestly have no idea how he ever made it through life before he had me to help him find his shit.  But at 5 o'clock in the morning, I'm a little less amused by his antics.  Also when, a couple weeks ago, he was frantically searching for his shoe polish and recruited my help while LOST was on (which is really the only time every week when I demand silence and complete avoidance of distractions).  Oh, the cruel irony.

The worst part about that was that I was constantly moving his shoe polishing kit up into his closet.  He had been leaving it behind a bookshelf in our room, and everytime I moved it I nagged that he really needed to keep it up...in case one of the kids finds it and gets into it.  Well, guess who was right?  Men, this is exactly why you must listen to your women. 

He forgets things so often, that I told him that I'm going to have a custom notepad made for him.  You know those pre-printed shopping checklists that you can buy, the ones that have food items that nearly everybody regularly purchases on routine stops at the supermarket...eggs, milk, bread?  Well, I plan on having something similar printed for him, except that every page will have a list of everything he needs to bring with him daily to work.  Radio, gun, cuffs, badge, etc.  I wasn't fully joking.  I am seeing a serious need for this. 

I just don't understand it!  It's not that our home is a mess, or that he's disorganized or irresponsible.  After being in the military for six years, he's developed some nearly OCD habits when it comes to his possessions.  He's always had a little box that he keeps in his closet on the shelf where he puts his small but important things.  But sometimes, he sets things down somewhere without thinking about it...and then, it's either gone forever or at least until I can find it for him.  He's lucky that I'm always pretty good at finding stuff.

It's even a little fun sometimes.  There's nothing like searching for something, and the thrill you get when you finally find it.  It's a little adrenaline rush:  some people need to go skydiving to get their kicks...but for now, I'll just stick to random routine find-the-lost-thing hunts around the house.

Bourse.

My husband has two things that he is constantly nagging me about:  my purse, and my iPod.  He hates my iPod because some days I spend more time with it than I do with him.  I love to blast my music while I'm cleaning, or cooking...before I put in my earphones I always tell him that I'm unavailable and if he needs me then he will have to tap me on the shoulder because I can't hear a thing outside of my own musical world.  It's my way of taking a break from the kids, and sometimes him, while not physically leaving the house.  I also like to use the Kindle app to read in bed (since my Kindle is not backlit), and I play word games on it.  Not gonna lie, I do some farming too (Tap Farm and Zombie Farm).

So anyway, I was tagged by Shahirah at Colours of my Life to reveal the contents of my purse.  Truth be told, I'm not even sure what's in my bag right now.  My purse is kind of like a sinkhole, things go in and sometimes they never return.  It often takes me 10 minutes of digging before I can find what I'm looking for in it, unless I dump out the entire thing.  My husband hates my purse because he has an even more difficult time finding things.  If he asks where something is and I reply "Oh, it's in my purse", I'm entertained with that look of dread on his face...fear in his eyes, and a groan coming from his mouth.

So, if you really want to see this, read on.  The pictures suck and I took them with the items on top of a clean, but wrinkled pillow case.  Deal with it!

 These are coins in a ziplock bag that the Coinstar machine rejected the other day.  I took Teagan to go cash in her money jar because she wanted to buy a Nintendo DS Lite with all of the coins she's saved over the years.  These coins include some foreign currency as well as some old silver quarters.

 

My beloved Kindle.  It has this snazzy case to keep it safe in my bag.  If I didn't have the case, the Kindle would be stained with makeup like almost everything else in there...thanks to a rogue eyeshadow palette that escaped from my makeup bag and got all over everything.

Makeup bag.  Not much to see here.  I've got the usual mascara, eyeshadow, lip gloss, etc in there.

 Random craft supplies.  Scissors and some baby blue lace.  I tend to throw things in my bag that I don't want the kids messing with, so there can be some really weird things in there sometimes.

 Vera Bradley wallet. 

 More makeup...the eyeshadow and liner have made their way out of the zippered pouch.  The square is a mini kit that includes basically all of the essentials, and it's too big to fit in the pouch.

Another random craft supply.  Purple fabric dye!

Hygienic items.  For the men: why yes, that is a tampon.  As you can see, I've also got a deodorant and two different kinds of hand sanitizer.  You can never be too OCD careful.

Assorted credentials.  To the left, you will see my official Skywarn Weather Spotter card.  Yep, I am allowed to report weather conditions to the National Weather Service.  I had to go to a class to get it (though I basically already knew everything that was taught anyway).  I'm kind of a science nerd, and I love studying meteorology.  On the right is my official DIVA card.  I had to sit in a booth at Chuck-e-Cheese to get this.  It's not the best picture of me, but how about you go get one and we'll see how great yours comes out, Nucka.

Pens.

Scraps of paper and candy wrappers.

Two dimes, a miniature stapler, sea shells, Kindle plug, sand shovel, Lightening McQueen toy car,  and my keys. 

Well, I have to say that it's actually not so bad right now.  But then I just dumped it out and cleaned it out last week.  I try to do that every once in awhile.

I tag Katie, Cheryl and Helena!

Chelsea Handler, Rosetta Stone, Homeschooling

I've been so behind on my reading lately.  I just haven't had enough time to sit still and read a book...normally I read several novels per week.  So I felt quite accomplished this week when I managed to read two.  The first I'm not even going to bother mentioning because, while the book was good, I'm embarrassed by it.  Let's just say it's the latest installment of a trashy chick-lit series.  No, it's not a Twilight book, I would never stoop that low.  I read the first one and it was the first time I ever felt that I really wasted a small part of my life on something.

The second was My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands by Chelsea Handler.  Awhile ago I read another book of hers, Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea and found it LOL funny.  My Horizontal Life didn't disappoint...my favorite story involved Chelsea being suckered into dressing like an M&M to a party while everybody else arrived in sexy costumes.  She was unable to make it home after the party, so she crashed at some guy's house, and was forced to run in her costume the next morning to another friend's apartment a few blocks away.  I was laughing so hard while reading this one that my husband was rolling his eyes and telling me to be quiet.

Her next book: Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is being released tomorrow, and I plan on immediately picking up a copy.  I wanted to go to her event at the Wang Theater in Boston, but tickets are $100+ for crappy seats, and $400+ for good ones...which is more than I can spend without my husband killing me and making it look like an accident.   

I've officially started my French language education.  I acquired a copy of Rosetta Stone French after my mother spoke highly of the program (though she owns the Spanish version).  I've gone through the first few lessons of unit 1 and I have to say, I'm rather impressed with it.  I'm having no trouble at all remembering the words and matching the pictures to them correctly...pronunciation, on the other hand...well, that's a different story.  Sometimes it gets frustrating because when I'm prompted to speak the words or sentences into my microphone, I have to do it for several minutes before Rosetta will finally give me the green light and let me pass.

I'm curious if I would have the same difficulty in the Spanish program.  I'm not fluent in Spanish, but I took 3 or 4 years of it in school and can understand enough to get a good idea about what somebody is saying if I pause on El Gordo y la Flaca or one of the nutty Spanish soap operas or game shows on Univision.  Is it because I'm really that horrible at pronouncing the words, or is Rosetta Stone a bit flawed when it comes to voice recognition?

And finally, this week is my daughter's last week in public school.  For this year at least.  As I wrote about previously, we've been having problems at the current school she's attending and switching to another school in the district is not an option because of policies in place by the local school board.  I've thought about homeschooling her for her first few years of school anyway, because she has life-threatening food allergies and several other not so dangerous ones.  She's young, and still not quite aware of the severeness of her condition.  And it's always a fear of mine that she'll take a cookie from a well-meaning kid who is trying to share and have a reaction. 

Anyway, we'll be finishing up the rest of this school year at home.  I've signed her up to an online curriculum, and will be supplementing with books and other materials where it falls short.  I'm really excited actually, there's a great local homeschool group that has get-togethers at least once a week...and I can take her and the boys on "field trips" anytime I want.  As if I need another excuse to go to the beach.  I'll also be enrolling her in dance classes, which is something I've wanted to do forever anyway but just haven't gotten around to it.  And, I'm going to have her go through the Rosetta program too.  It's ideal for a person to begin learning a foreign language while they're still young, so I'm hoping she catches on easily and enjoys it as much as I do.

Au revoir!

Talking about Jesus in my Guinness Shirt

There is a woman with a thick accent that has been stopping by my door lately.  It's 9:30AM and the bell rings.  Nobody ever comes at this hour in the morning.  I thought it was going to be one of the handymen for another annoying routine maitenance check-up.  My peephole is obscured by a spring decoration hanging on the door, so I peered out the window and saw a woman's rear dressed in a long, flowery skirt. 

I open the door and I see my middle-aged friend with another woman (skirted lady).  She shoves a booklet in my hand, I look over my shoulder nervously at my two boys...running around naked in their diapers sagging with urine.  They had just woken up, and I hadn't changed them yet.  I kept glancing over my shoulder, I didn't want to be rude and slam the door in their face or say I didn't have time, but shit, those diapers really needed to be changed.

The woman with the accent then asks me if I think Jesus is the world's greatest hero.  And I nod my head in agreement "Yes, yes, of course."  I say.  She then proceeds to open her Bible and read a verse to me.  She asks me if I own a Bible.  I tell her yes, I have one on my Kindle.  Which wasn't a lie, I do...but mostly I use it for reference (lately, I've been using it to try to figure out the TV show LOST) and not for spiritual purposes.  I also wouldn't disagree with Jesus being a hero.  I believe that he was a real man in history, that did good things for people and encouraged them to live with morality.  Kind of like Mother Theresa.  I don't believe in the crazier parts of the Jesus story.

I believe in God.  But I don't consider myself a Christian...or a Jew, or anything else.  If I had to align myself with any church or religious group, it would be the Unitarian Universalists. 

Anyway, she thanks me for my time and I thank her for stopping by.  I say "oh, I have a question.  Where are you from?  ....your accent...?"  She laughs and says "Oh, I'm from Finland!"  I smile and say "Oh neat, I'm Norwegian."  She tells me Norway is the most beautiful country she's ever been to.  Then we smile and nod at eachother through an awkward moment.  She takes a long look at my green Guinness Draught shirt, and I suddenly feel self-conscious.  "Well...goodbye."  I say.  "Have a good afternoon!"  the women reply in unison.  And they were on their way.

One day, I'm going to wake up to a hand that must be amputated.

Lately, I've been sleeping on my stomach a lot. Which is peculiar, because until my last son was born two years ago, I was never a tummy sleeper. I always slept on a side. Never my back, I don't think I'll ever be one of those people. I think I began laying on my stomach after the birth of Hayden because it was something that I didn't realize could be so glorious until I couldn't do it...when you've got a belly out to here, it's simply impossible.

I've found that recently, the only way I can fall asleep is if I begin the process of falling asleep on my belly. But not only that, I must cross my arms underneath me like an imperial mummy. This obviously creates a big problem: my hands fall asleep. This hasn't always happened, it's just been over the past couple months.

When I first woke up with a hand that was a few minutes away from being dead, I literally panicked. My first thought was to go to the hospital. Seriously. I couldn't feel my hand. I didn't even have the tingling sensation. I couldn't move it. I was hitting my hand on my leg, the couch, trying to wiggle my fingers...anything I could do to wake it up. Of course, I was finally able to, but it was quite a scare. It happened again a few nights later. And honestly, it didn't even occur to me right away that the reason this was happening was because I was sleeping on my hands. I thought I had some sort of circulation problem. Yea, I have my moments.

I still fall asleep the same way every night, even with the knowledge that I'm smothering my hands. I'm slightly concerned that one morning, I might wake up and be unable to rouse a hand. It will have passed on, ultimately poisoning the rest of my body if I don't have it removed. I guess I'll just need to practice typing with one hand until then. I'll be ready.

Google Reader is Possessed.

To make room in my blog reading queue for my favorite blogs, I've been trying to cut down on the noise by getting rid of those that I hardly read, mainly "big time" blogs that post way too many times a day: Mashable, Engadget, etc. While they make for good reading when I've got nothing else to do, I'd much rather concentrate on my e-friends and their blogs.

I get overwhelmed when I see "793 Unread Items" on my Google Reader page and then I get even more behind on reading the blogs I actually care about since I must fight through a sea of Mashable and others to get to them.

So, earlier today I spent some time...for the third time this week...going through the Manage Subscriptions area and deleting the blogs I don't want. But, once again, a few hours later all of the blogs I just deleted popped back up in my Reader. "APRIL FOOLS!" Google said.

It's Wedddddddddnesssssssdayyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Does anybody else think to themselves "Wed-nes-day" as they're typing Wednesday? Why isn't it spelled "Wendsday"? Wouldn't it make more sense?

First things first, I'd like to welcome two of my close friends to blogging! Both of them have started (or resumed) blogging over the last couple of days, and I'm super excited because now I'm not the only weirdo I know in real life who has one of these "blog things".

I've been friends with Katie for almost 7 years (I think?)...and since I'm 24, that's a pretty large chunk of my life. Her blog is called Shadows Kept Alive. Check it out!

I met Cheryl when I was living in Montana while my husband was serving active duty in the Air Force. Yep, I lived in Montana. For some reason, people are always surprised when I say this...and then I tell them that I've also lived on a tropical island (called Kwajalein), in California, New Mexico, Massachusetts, Ohio, Texas, and Wisconsin before I moved here to Rhode Island. Anyway...Cheryl's blog is The Adventures of an Average Family of Four. I love the layout, go see it!

On Wed-nes-days I try to head over to my e-friend Helena's blog Life in the Pitts and submit a link to her weekly Craft Therapy blog party. This week, I'm sharing my mini dresser makeover because I am so goshdarn proud of it. I also made over the nightstand and the bookshelf, which I'll be sharing with you all shortly. Possibly today. So anyway, if you're crafty you should head over and share your stuff as well. I highly recommend it.

Speaking of, I've been thinking about starting my own weekly blog party. I'm just not sure which theme I'd like to go with. And I need to pick a day. A day besides Wed-nes-day because when you copy somebody, you should always try to make at least one thing different about your version. I think we all learned this in grade school when we copied homework...at least, if you were smart you did.

And finally, I'd like to share that I'm teaching myself to speak French. Because I've decided that I'm going on vacation to France next year. I informed my husband of this, and he laughed at me...but I'm not sure why because I'm dead serious. We'll see who's laughing while I'm sitting at a French cafe enjoying Croissant-Brioche with a glass of wine. Yes, I will drink wine at breakfast. Because that's what I would do in France.

Paypal Paypal Paypal!

My husband, while reviewing our bank account transactions: "What's this? Paypal...$19.85, Paypal $10.50, Paypal...Paypal...Paypal. What are all of these for?!"

Me: "I don't know...stuff."

Husband: "What do you mean, you don't know?"

Me: "Well, honey, I can't tell you what every transaction is for. But I can assure you that each of those purchases made me a little happier!"

Husband: :)

Me: :D

My Cat Suffers from Species Confusion Disorder (SCD)

When I went to pick out a kitten for my birthday last year, I think I accidentally took home a dog in a cat's body. I'm going to point out right now the fact that I really dislike dogs. Oh sure, sometimes they're cute, I have nothing against the way that they look. I just don't like them because:

a) they're smelly b) they're needy c) they drool and slobber d) they jump up on you e) they tear destroy things f) they shed their stinky dog hair everywhere g) their food is expensive h) they eat their own poop and/or everybody else's poop i) stepping on dog shit really sucks.

However, I'm not going to deny that dogs do have some good qualities that make them appealing, that cats don't normally possess. Like how dogs are loyal, affectionate, and keep you company whereas most cats kind of mind their own business unless you're about to feed them. Dogs will play games with you. A dog will always sleep in bed with you if you allow it (but the idea of a dog in bed with me really squicks me out...the smell!). And dogs make good body guards and work well as an alarm system.

My cat, Yoshi, is quite the character. He follows me around everywhere: when I'm moving from room to room doing chores, he's tagging along at my feet. If I take a shower or go outside, he's waiting patiently at the door for me when I'm finished. He curls up next to me wherever I sit or lie down, and if I'm in the kitchen he stands on my kitchen island watching me.

Yoshi plays fetch. If you toss one of his favorite toys (a little green frog or a fuzzy squirrel catnip toy), he will race across the room, grab it with his mouth, and bring it back. Though he won't play the game forever like a dog will. Which is fine with me because it gets boring after a few throws anyway.

He begs for human food while you're eating...which is one of his less amiable qualities. If you're not careful, he will snatch a piece of meat right from your plate and run away with it. Also, he has a major thing for cups of water. It doesn't matter if he has a brand new, fresh bowl of water next to his food. Or if I fill a cup of water just for him. If I've got a cup of water and I set it down somewhere where Yoshi can get it, he's going to drink out of it.

Basically, he's a dog. Except he always poops in the same place, he doesn't drool, or destroy my house. He does sleep with me in bed, but he doesn't take up much room and doesn't make my sheets dirty or smelly. If an intruder tried to enter my house, there is no doubt in my mind that Yoshi would leap from a high place and scratch the mofo's eyes out. And he's much cuter than any mutt.

And he does an adorable "Halloween Cat" impression when I startle him.

Today's Big Project: Tiny Dresser Makeover in Leopard Print.

I'm in the process of reinventing my daughter's room with a theme: leopard print. Today, my mother-in-law came over to help me with some deep cleaning of the room and to hang curtains. I then decided that I was going to paint all of her furniture black with a leopard print. We lugged everything downstairs, and the first piece I looked at was this small drawer tower (isn't it sooo dull looking in the photo above?). And then I had a brilliant idea: I would still paint it black, but instead of painting on the print, I would attach some pink leopard print fabric I had (and it matches some pillows I made her the other day).

One of the drawers has been broken. So rather than attempt to fix it, I decided to leave it out and attach the bottom of the drawer back to the unit after it had been covered in fabric...creating a shelf.

I also painted and added on some brand new knob handles for the drawers, and added some decorative silver studs in the corners. Isn't it AWESOME?

Oddly enough, I had to finish off the last coat of black paint with a tiny bottle I had...since somehow my large pint of it had been tainted towards the end of the project and turned into a navy blue. Wtf? I now don't have enough black to continue with the rest of the furniture today like I had planned, but I'm really excited about how this turned out! High five!

Yep...I did the lamp today too :)

I Have Nothing Interesting to Say

I haven't updated for a couple days, because well...I really don't have anything too exciting to share with you all at the moment.

Here's a quick rundown of my past week:

- Last week, I pulled my daughter out of school for the day and took a little ride to the school district office, where I grabbed a packet of information for yanking her out of the public school system since I want to home school her for the rest of the year.

My daughter is being severely bullied at school by several children (yes, she's only in first grade. Frightening that this crap begins so early, isn't it?). It's been going on for the majority of the school year, I've had several conferences with her teacher about it, and she is genuinely concerned about Teagan as well...but there's only so much that the staff can do. She is so miserable that she starts crying nearly every day when I pick her up after school, and every morning it's a battle to get her ready since she's busy throwing a temper tantrum and begging me not to make her go.

Why is she being singled out and picked on? I don't really know. Actually, I do. It's because they're jealous. She's a beautiful, smart, funny, and kind little girl...and they're all just a bunch of h8rz.
That's my girl on the left. Isn't she gorgeous? Why yes, I did cut my mother-in-law in half when I cropped this to share with you.

So anyway...all of this has taken up a lot of my time lately: preparing to finish up her school year with myself as her teacher (I plan to start her homeschooling next week), gathering advice and information from friends and the local homeschooling association, etc.

- Sunday my mother-in-law took all of the children for the day, so my husband and I had approximately 10 hours to ourselves. We had a long day full of activities planned, but we ended up just eating out for lunch and then opting to come home to take a nap.

And yep...that basically sums it up. I haven't even had time to craft. I've received some awesome fabric in the mail over the last few days, but whenever I have the time to choose to sit down and sew, I'm just too tired and would rather lay down and relax with Netflix.

So that's what's going on, just in case any netizens have missed me!

When You Eff Up Your Own Tutorial...

...it's totally not worth posting.

Yesterday, I decided to create a tutorial for better freezer paper stencil printing. I whipped up a quick design, and cut it out using my X-acto knife. The problem is, I am in dire need of new blades, so the paper ripped and slightly frayed in some parts of the design...resulting in a messy final result after I applied the fabric ink.

When I do prints, I normally take the long road and create my own screens for them. However, I'll occasionally use freezer paper if I'm just making a quick design. The thing that I hate about the tutorials for freezer paper stencils is that every one I've seen instructs you to use a brush and paint directly onto the fabric over your stencil once you've got it ironed on. This results in visible brush strokes...which is good if you're looking for a textured appearance, but unsightly if you want a crisp, professional looking print.

So until I get my new blades (which won't be until I make the journey to my craft mecca - Joann Fabrics, 40 mins away. No, my Walmart does not sell X-acto blades...wtf), I'm just going to tell you the secret of cleaner prints (when you have a crisply cut out design, anyway).

The trick is to use a hybrid of home screen making along with the freezer paper. Take your "screen" (I use a fine, sheer tulle), and simply place a big enough piece over your design after you've ironed the freezer paper onto the fabric. Next, take a glob of your ink and toss it on top. Finally, hold the screen firmly in place with a hand and use a straight edge to smooth the ink over the design evenly (I use a putty knife). Remove the tulle, peel off the paper, and walla! A freezer paper print without brush strokes.

You Guys, I Have a Serious Problem.

Want to know how many things I've bought that I am waiting for in the mail right now? 23. Mostly fabric. The bra fabric? Oh, that's one I just got in the mail yesterday.

I get something exciting in the mail almost every day. I just can't stop myself...when you can buy a fat quarter of super, super cute fabric for a little over $2 on eBay or Etsy, it's really hard to resist. Today, I just bought 5 more FQs on Etsy. 1 2 3 4 5

My husband isn't as thrilled about my obsession as I am, but I'm lucky in that he doesn't complain about it either. Still, I'm not sure if he's aware of the magnitude of the situation since I try to put things away as soon as I get packages, until I'm ready to use them at least. As I like to say: "Shop now and hide the evidence".

I accidentally...

...stabbed my husband with his badge when I was pinning it on him.

Home From Snowboarding, and Officer Starfish

Laying on the snow with the sun in our eyes...

I'm home! We had a great time at Mt. Sunapee ski resort in New Hampshire. We left for our three hour drive immediately after we celebrated my husband's graduation with family at a restaurant...arriving at the 1806 Inn around 9:30PM. Our stay was wonderful. We were the only guests on Friday night, so the innkeepers upgraded our room to the Robert Frost room - which included satellite TV and a big, huge jacuzzi bath tub!

The next morning, we got up early and were served a fantastic breakfast before heading out to the mountain. Bill and Karen Carruth (the owners) were such warm, chatty people. We felt like family in their home!

---

Friday was my husband Billy's Rhode Island police academy graduation. It was great! I was beaming with pride. That's MY MAN!

He earned an award for leadership. I'm thinking I've got a future Chief of Police on my hands! Tomorrow morning, he will be sworn in as an official...Official for the city police department he will be working in. I will be present, and I have the honor of being the person to pin his badge on him.

Here are some pictures!

He was his class's leader. Here he is walking them out for the inspection ceremony.

Giving his classmates commands.

More commanding.

Holstering his gun.

I cannot even begin to describe how proud I am of my husband. He excels in everything he does. While he was in the military, he qualified several times for "below the zone", meaning he was promoted much faster than normal. He went up 2 ranks in four years (started out as an E3 and left the Air Force as an E5). He was chosen to compete in (and won) two major Air Force fitness events (The Guardian Challenge). He was selected to be a member of an elite team called the Tactical Response Force, which is the Air Force's version of a SWAT team.

I just know that like anything else my husband does, he's going to go far with this career. And one day, if he wants it, he will make it to the top!

Fabric Design For Sale - Domo! ...etc

I designed an awesome Domo fabric and it's now for sale at Spoonflower.com! You can find it by clicking here.

Also, I will be away for the weekend. Tomorrow is finally the big day - my husband Billy's police academy graduation! We're going to the ceremony, supper at a restaurant, and then the hubs and I are taking off for the weekend on a snowboarding trip together. I'll be back to updating the blog by Sunday...and if not, I probably crashed into a tree and killed myself.

Have a wonderful weekend everybody! I know I will.

If I Had These Things, My Life Would Be Perfect.

I'm bored. And I've planned a long, hard day of laying around in bed. I've got a cold that I'm trying to kick before tomorrow for my husband's big day. Then we're supposed to go away for the weekend snowboarding...which won't be much fun if I'm sick.

You people aren't updating your blogs quickly enough, giving me new material to read. So, I'm making myself another list.


----


This Brother sewing machine. My current machine is a Singer (1120), and while it works fine (most of the time, though it's been acting up lately) and is only about 5 years old, I could really go for an updated, fancier machine.

Also, my serger is a Brother...so I think it would only be appropriate to have a little family of sewing products.





Nintendo DSI XL. Because I'm a Nintendo fanatic. And I want to play the Mario games that are made exclusively for the DS. And I could connect it to our Wii.

My kids want it, I want it...anybody want to trade? My PSP for your DS.




Asus Eee PC. Just because they're awesome, and I really want a laptop that I can carry around in my purse. My husband doesn't get it. "You already have a Macbook!" he says. "But it's even more portable! And I can take it to the coffee shop and write in peace and quiet!" I whine. "You can do that with the Macbook." he replies. "..." I have no rebuttal. I still want one.




Cuisineart Food Processor. I've pined after this machine for years. I have a food processor, but it's by Hamilton Beach and basically, a piece of crap. I've had to replace the lid several times because it keeps breaking, and there are hardly any additional attachments to buy for it.

I do a lot of cooking. This would make my life so much happier (and simpler)!




Pasta attachments for my KitchenAid stand mixer. I love to make pasta from fresh homemade dough. There's nothing quite like pasta that's been made by hand, and cooked immediately after. However, I have a cheap, basic hand-cranked roller and cutter at the moment...I would make pasta a lot more often if my mixer could help me make it.



Natal for Xbox 360. Okay, so this one doesn't come out until November. But oh em eff gee...have you seen the demo videos for this? I don't care how much this thing costs, it's going on my Christmas shopping list. I'm going to buy it "for my husband".

Because this is just freaking awesome: