My Cat Suffers from Species Confusion Disorder (SCD)

When I went to pick out a kitten for my birthday last year, I think I accidentally took home a dog in a cat's body. I'm going to point out right now the fact that I really dislike dogs. Oh sure, sometimes they're cute, I have nothing against the way that they look. I just don't like them because:

a) they're smelly b) they're needy c) they drool and slobber d) they jump up on you e) they tear destroy things f) they shed their stinky dog hair everywhere g) their food is expensive h) they eat their own poop and/or everybody else's poop i) stepping on dog shit really sucks.

However, I'm not going to deny that dogs do have some good qualities that make them appealing, that cats don't normally possess. Like how dogs are loyal, affectionate, and keep you company whereas most cats kind of mind their own business unless you're about to feed them. Dogs will play games with you. A dog will always sleep in bed with you if you allow it (but the idea of a dog in bed with me really squicks me out...the smell!). And dogs make good body guards and work well as an alarm system.

My cat, Yoshi, is quite the character. He follows me around everywhere: when I'm moving from room to room doing chores, he's tagging along at my feet. If I take a shower or go outside, he's waiting patiently at the door for me when I'm finished. He curls up next to me wherever I sit or lie down, and if I'm in the kitchen he stands on my kitchen island watching me.

Yoshi plays fetch. If you toss one of his favorite toys (a little green frog or a fuzzy squirrel catnip toy), he will race across the room, grab it with his mouth, and bring it back. Though he won't play the game forever like a dog will. Which is fine with me because it gets boring after a few throws anyway.

He begs for human food while you're eating...which is one of his less amiable qualities. If you're not careful, he will snatch a piece of meat right from your plate and run away with it. Also, he has a major thing for cups of water. It doesn't matter if he has a brand new, fresh bowl of water next to his food. Or if I fill a cup of water just for him. If I've got a cup of water and I set it down somewhere where Yoshi can get it, he's going to drink out of it.

Basically, he's a dog. Except he always poops in the same place, he doesn't drool, or destroy my house. He does sleep with me in bed, but he doesn't take up much room and doesn't make my sheets dirty or smelly. If an intruder tried to enter my house, there is no doubt in my mind that Yoshi would leap from a high place and scratch the mofo's eyes out. And he's much cuter than any mutt.

And he does an adorable "Halloween Cat" impression when I startle him.